I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

For South Koreans, tteokbokki is more than just a snack. It is food for the soul.

This sweet and spicy dish made with chewy rice cakes is a staple of Korea’s street food culture and loved by people of all ages.

It is the food that students turn to after long school days, and it is the food that you as adults reach for after a hard day at work.

So when readers came across a book called “I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Ttokbokki” in 2018, many were immediately captivated. Its sincere and funny title sparked curiosity, and some wondered how much you could love tteokbokki to write an entire book about. Many were quickly drawn to her raw honesty.

It became an instant bestseller, was widely discussed and resonated deeply in Korea. this week, Baek Se-hee, the South Korean book author, has died at the age of 35. Details surrounding her death remain unclear. The fact that the Korea Organ Donation Agency said Baek saved five lives by donating her organs underscores her desire to help others.

Her death at such a young age brought profound sadness to readers who found comfort and understanding in her words. Social media and blogs were flooded with tributes and personal stories of those helped by her books, while her death was prominently reported by media outlets around the world.

The book is essentially a record of Pike’s conversations with her psychiatrist as she overcame depression—a mild but long-lasting type of depression—and anxiety disorders. Through these sessions, she opens up about her daily struggles — like overthinking other people’s opinions, obsessing over her appearance, and wrestling with self-doubt. Rather than studying clinical depression, she considers the gentle melancholy that many can relate to.

What makes her story so compelling is its honesty. She embodies that delicate human contradiction of living wearily with daily grief alongside the simultaneous desire to carry on. Just like a comforting dish of tteokbokki on a difficult day, her words provide warmth and understanding, reminding readers that even in weakness there is strength.

• A list of organizations in the UK providing support and information in relation to some of the issues mentioned in this story is available at the following link: BBC action line. If you are outside the UK, you can visit Friends website.

One of the many young people with whom the book resonated is Jo Eun-bit, a 25-year-old student at Korea University in Seoul, who found that the book helped her cope with uncertainty about her future.

“All generations in Korea tend to measure themselves against what others are doing and the achievements they have achieved, and this only fuels competition,” she said. “But I liked this book because it seemed to send the message that it’s okay not to live by the standards set by society.

“One of the most memorable passages in her book is that I am a unique being in this world, and that alone makes me special. I am a person who will have to care for my whole life. The more I look at myself, the more I believe I will become.”

“For me, this provides comfort because it’s okay to not be perfect, and at the same time reminds me that I’m also a person who needs to be cared for and nurtured.”

Relentless competition from school to the workplace, coupled with pressures to meet family and societal expectations, leaves many young people in South Korea feeling frustrated. In a society still influenced by Confucian values ​​such as righteousness and obedience, mental health issues remain highly stigmatized and many experience feelings of shame or social judgment.

Pike’s book upends the idea that social success is the ultimate measure of a good life, and openly addresses the mental health issues that many commonly face, thereby showing readers that acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing.

Sanjeon Lee, a primary school teacher in Korea, told the BBC that the book had special meaning for her for this reason.

“With the advent of social media, we are exposed to the lives of others too much, and this makes us increasingly critical of ourselves,” the 35-year-old said.

“Being imperfect is normal for everyone, but seeing too much of this kind of information can feel like an attack on yourself, making you wonder if it’s okay to live the way you live. This book encouraged me to accept myself as I am.”

The book’s popularity has had a real impact, supporting many people suffering from depression to seek professional help. He’s also brought mental health issues into the public conversation — RM of BTS, the world-famous K-pop group known for songs promoting self-love, is among those who have shared the book online.

Baek’s pages have resonated far beyond South Korea. First published in 2018, it has sold more than a million copies worldwide and has been translated into 25 languages. In the United Kingdom, it sold 100,000 copies within six months of its release.

It struck a chord with young women and played an important role in expanding the scope of Korean literature. Mariana Szocs, a high school teacher in London, told the BBC that she felt connected to the incident and deeply saddened by Pike’s death.

“Her book tells you that if you’re depressed or feel like you have problems, you’re not the only one. She had all kinds of problems, from little things to very stressful things. I think anyone who reads this book can find something they can relate to.”

“It is very symbolic that Baek Si-hee’s voice resonates in the United Kingdom where great psychoanalysts like Freud and his daughter explored the human mind,” said Seunghee Sun, director of the Korean Cultural Center in the United Kingdom, in the process expanding the reach of Korean literature and Korean culture.

Her book tells a story that transcends generations and borders, sending a quiet but warm message to countless anonymous readers around the world.

In the end, the paradoxical title “I want to die but I want to eat tokbokki” might actually be another way of saying: “I want to live.” Even in moments of deep despair, people often find the strength to continue in their small joys.

For her, that joy was a tteokbokki, showing that even the simplest pleasures of everyday life can become a sustaining force.