How faith kept Granger Smith’s marriage strong after losing son River

This story is about suicide If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Amber Smith and her husband, Granger Smith, lived every parent’s worst nightmare in 2019 when their 3-year-old son, River, drowned in the family’s backyard pool.

In the wake of the devastating incident, Smith found herself collapsing with grief, trying to comfort her two children while facing harsh comments on social media. Her son, Lincoln, was five years old, and her daughter, London, was seven at the time. Granger, a former country singer who was now a minister, nearly committed suicide. However, in the midst of unbearable pain, the couple clung to each other – and to their faith.

Granger Smith’s wife shares details of his suicide attempt after his son drowned

Granger Smith and Amber Smith visit Dell Children’s Medical Center of Central Texas to make a donation in memory of their son River Kelly Smith on June 25, 2019 in Austin. (Rick Kern/Getty Images)

Smith, 43, now talks about her journey through heartache and healing in her new memoir, “The girl on the bathroom floor.” Looking back at the darkest times in their lives, Smith told Fox News Digital that their unwavering faith in God kept their marriage from falling apart.

“Our loss definitely tested our marriage,” she said. “[But] In the beginning, even when River was in the hospital, having surgery to donate his organs, my husband and I went out to this healing garden. We looked at each other and said, “This won’t tear our family apart.” We will find the good in this. We will choose each other.”

Despite doctors’ best efforts, River was unable to revive Granger and Amber Smith’s 3-year-old son. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“We didn’t know what it would be like to come home without our son,” she recalled. “We both grieved very differently. So this was hard to deal with. … We just had to learn. It’s been this dance through grief of knowing when to step back, when to lean in, when to pray together and really have grace for each other — and grace for our children.”

Watch: Granger Smith’s wife talks about relying on faith after losing her son

Smith admitted that it is still difficult to face the unthinkable between prayer and tears. However, she refused to let grief destroy them.

“We grieved deeply, and we grieved separately,” she said. “I was sad in my bathroom, and I know it Granger’s sadness is all around. …There was a difficult time when my husband almost took his life out of guilt, shame and grief. Fortunately, he didn’t, but we really had to lean on each other and lean on our church community…and do the best we could.

River Smith is shown here holding his favorite toy. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“There’s no evidence for grief,” Smith said. “But when Granger and I said ‘I do,’ we meant it – for better or for worse. And that was the worst part of our story. We vowed that no matter what came our way, we would fight together. And that’s exactly what we’ve been doing since that terrible day.”

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River Kelly Smith passed away in June 2019. He was 3 years old. (Courtesy Smith Family)

In the book, Smith described how visions of River, face down in the pool, “assaulted” into thoughts of her husband. During a “moment of utter desperation,” he “put a cold 9mm Glock into his mouth.”

“I’m crying even as I write this,” she wrote. “It broke my heart that he felt this was the only way out. I wish I had known.”

Granger Smith contemplated suicide after losing his son, River. (Courtesy Smith Family)

Behind closed doors — away from her husband and children — she broke down, Smith shared. She never blamed God.

Amber Smith’s book, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor: Holding It All Together When It’s All Fall Apart, is available now. (Thomas Nelson)

“To anyone who asks why a loving or good God would allow such heartbreak, I would just point them to the cross,” she said. “God gave His Son for us. He understands our pain. He understands our suffering, and it was for the good of his people. … I know I can’t always understand the mind of God, and the Bible says how unsearchable his ways are, but the Bible also says he loves us. He will never abandon us. … I had to trust that.”

“When those lies came out — telling me I was a bad mother, telling me I should have done more — it helped me follow God’s Word,” she continued. “The Word of God says that each of our days is numbered. Before the foundation of the world, each of River’s days were numbered. No matter what I did, I could not prolong his life longer than his allotted days on this earth.”

Granger Smith is shown here playing guitar for his son River. (Courtesy Smith Family)

Since River’s death, Smith and her husband, 44, have used social media to raise awareness about child safety in pools and water. Smith described how users on Instagram called them irresponsible for not teaching their son to swim. River slipped out of his parents’ sight for only a short moment when tragedy struck.

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Granger Smith, a former country singer, is now a minister. He and his wife, Amber Smith, continue to honor River’s memory on social media. (Courtesy Smith Family)

At times, Smith was consumed by guilt, and she wasn’t sure how to cope with the feeling that she had failed her son. Reading similar comments exacerbated those feelings. However, even in the darkest times, there were moments of hope.

Smith shared how her church community rallied around her family, offering help with daily matters. The family turned to prayer, united in pain. Smith also turned to the stories of other parents in similar circumstances, and learned she wasn’t alone. Writing her story — rather than keeping her feelings bottled up — also helped her. The family sold their home and built a new one On their land in Texas, Hoping to start over.

Shown here are River Smith’s favorite toys before the family moves into a new home. (Courtesy Smith Family)

Nearly two months after losing River, Smith had her first belly laugh while watching her two kids act silly outside in the rain. The guilt came – but this time, it felt stronger.

Granger Smith built a new ranch in Texas for his family after the tragedy. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“I learned from my sadness that God is the source of our joy,” she said. “Happiness is situational, it rises and falls as life happens. But when you have true joy in Christ, you know you can have joy, no matter what you go through or face in life.”

In 2021, Smith and her husband He welcomed his son Maverick Beckham Smith.

Granger and Amber Smith’s son, Maverick Beckham Smith, was born in 2021. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“He was never a replacement for River, but he represents this beautiful new chapter in the story that God is writing,” Smith said. “I knew, because we had lost a son to drowning, that I had to put Maverick into early swim lessons because it was too late for River.

“I enrolled Maverick in lessons when he was 8 months old. It was really hard to watch him struggle and try to find air because all I could think about was what River had been through – how he was probably struggling and trying to find air.”

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Maverick Smith, 4, is shown here swimming. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“But it was also encouraging to see him being able to float and find that air,” she said, holding back tears. “He’s 4 now. He’s had three or four different sets of lessons. He’s now jumping and swimming across the pool. I still think of River as he swims, but I feel very confident now that he has the skills he needs to survive if anything happens.”

Granger and Amber Smith are also parents to son Lincoln Monarch, 11, and daughter London, 14. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“I wish I had known because I would have put River in those lessons much sooner,” she said. “But now we know what we know, and we work better with what we know.”

Today, Smith hopes her memoir will give hope to other grieving parents.

Amber Smith told Fox News that digital faith has kept her family strong over the years. She continues to raise awareness about children’s safety in pools and water. (Courtesy Smith Family)

“You can’t do this without God,” she said. “You can’t get through the hard things in this life. Life is hard, but it’s harder without Christ.”